Skip to main content

Hugs from the driveway

I have a job where I teach parenting classes. I teach relationship classes. And some days I really believe that I suck at both areas.

Without going into details, I have had a rotten two to three weeks. I am a sensitive person (which I truly dislike about myself). So when everything dumps on me, I eventually melt down. The more it rains on me, the more times I melt. 

My oldest daughter has a list in her locker that says "days since I cried." There was time this school year she had zero. 

These last few days, I can relate, Zero.

Today a doctor asked me, "So how are you?" and without control at all on my part, those stupid tears came into my eyes. My bottom lip quivered. 

"I'm ok," I said. He replied something along the lines that life is hard,

I feel like I fail when I melt down in front of my kids. I have had moments the last couple weeks where I get angry and snap out loud about my internal frustrations. I have stomped out of the house in the dark and declared I needed to go for a walk. (I don't recommend this unless you have lights attached to you.)

I have cried in the van while driving to and from places. I have apologized profusely to them.

This was all since Thursday. Today is Monday.

I have to sometimes take a step back and think, what would I tell my clients if they just described this scenario? I would tell them that your children see you as human, They need to. You can't hide everything from them. On the flip side, you can't dump every detail on them. I was a child who was dumped on. I knew way too much as a child. I carried my family's burdens with me everywhere (I still do). Because of that, I am now frightened to do the same to my kids. They do not need to carry mom's issues.

If this is you in any form, know this: God has allowed you and I to face the scenarios of our past and present for a purpose, We are strengthened by His will. I would not be a half-decent consultant in my office if I had a perfect upbringing. We just have to draw lines as to where we let that past influence creep in on us. It can help us if we don't let it wreck us,

Instead of dwelling on that long list of things I felt I did wrong the last few days, I need to think about how I handled scenarios correctly. More than once I told them I wish I had all the answers. I told them the enemy (Satan) likes to cut us down to defeat our purpose in life. I then told them He never wins because we have Jesus. I prayed for my kids this week -- both privately and one on one with those that especially needed it. I hugged them. I told them I was proud of them. I asked them to forgive me for my faults and sometimes poor examples. 

I have to also remind myself that the good stuff I did is working. The most meaningful response came on Friday. I decided to go for a quick morning walk as they were going to school. My one daughter had not really opened up to me much lately. I often wondered if she was upset with me or just trying to avoid me. As I walked out the end of the drive. I heard her 15 year-old voice yell "Mommy!" I turned around. She said it again. "Mommy!" and she jumped into my arms for a hug. I was not prepared and nearly fell over. I squeezed her extra tightly.She said to me, "I thought maybe you needed a hug today."

I did.

I really did,

I then went about my walk, tears in my eyes, thanking God for the hard times, It was like a hug from God Himself.

How quickly we forget.

Today I had another hard morning. My husband happened to be working from home,. I know he is stressed and I must drive him crazy. I try not to bother him much.

 I came home after texting him how hard it has been. He was there waiting at the door. All he did was open his arms. I cried very hard into his chest. He then prayed out loud for me. 

Isn’t that like God? He’s there waiting to hug us as we walk out into our journey. And He’s there to embrace us when we come home. We do the same thing for our kids, don’t we? Let us not forget we are here for a purpose. 


Wow, God.

Thank you, Thank you for the hard times.,

Mommas, look for the good. Even if you don't get it in a physical hug, look for the ways God hugs you in your hardest moments. Look at the positive ways you parent. It's there. You got this.,

He's got this.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Setting Up Camp

 There's that overly used saying, "It takes a village." Well, as I navigate raising three 17 -year-olds and an almost-20 year-old in college, the village is more like a small camp. I'm not talking cult-like camps. I'm talking a small gathering of tents with occupants who sit by the fire and listen and pray. This is not literal. I don't like to camp. (Camp fire smell in my hair. Ew.) This is just the terminology with which I came up.  Teenagers don't like anyone in their business. Especially mom and dad. If you're fortunate, they will invite you into their business because they know you will pray for them. They also hope you will give them direction. And they often want you to tell them everything will go just the way they want it and you will also tell them to do what they want to do even if they know it is not what they should do. Did you follow that trail through the woods? I have teenage girls. Three of the four of them are rather forthcoming with w...

Barbie's single, but my girls are "married"

The girls are just overwhelmingly growing up. I know that sounds odd...but at 3 years old these triplets seem to be leaping into childhood's next level. Don't get me wrong -- they still return to the two-year-old moments of "Mine!" and "Noooooo!" However, they are growing. It is sometimes scary to me. I'm being completely honest. Our conversations are more intense. They ask all kinds of questions. They communicate with each other in such a grown up way...my husband said the other night "I was listening to (Tiny) and (FunnyGirl) talking to each other and though 'Wow. They are talking really well and they're having real conversations." Even their playtime is maturing. Instead of running with baby dolls and throwing them on the floor, they now understand the concept of nurturing them -- Tiny was always doing this, but now they each place the babies in a bed, neatly cover them, "calm" them, and insist that everyone in the room ...

Moving on: Hauling the hurts in your U-haul

  There are many joys in motherhood just as there are hurts.  When we are in the thick of it, I think we tend to dwell in the latter.  For longer than I care to admit, the hurt has not come  from my own family. I tend to dwell on hurts from those who are no longer in our lives but choose to whisper about us in huddles. It hurts. Whether it is about one of my daughters. My husband. And sometimes even if it is about me.  It hurts. It especially hurts when it is those in the Christian community. We can "Matthew 18:15-20" until we are blue in the face. Sometimes, it just continues.... It's been about two years of hearing from others how the name of someone or all of us in my household has been dragged through the mud because of misunderstanding. Only one side of a story is often told. And that is the story that has wings.    We made attempts at reconciliation in all incidents. Our family is not perfect. We each had our moments of not handling matters grace...