Perspective: Bleh! Too Many People!

As a mom of faith, I have counted on God to guide this parenting gig since that first positive pregnancy test results were read to me July 1, 2004. 

There has been one major obstacle between God and I all these years, even long before my children existed.

 It's flesh and blood. 

I'm not just talking about my own. People in general. People I have had to encounter during this journey. People with whom I have tried to have relationships. People who are responsible for my kids when I am not there. People who hurt my kids. People who love my kids. People who hurt me.

This past week my maturity in this area was tested repeatedly. I've come a long way from the early days of reacting to my "people" issues. As a new mom your goal is to protect your infant from all that is a threat. Whether it is as simple as germs or complex as predators, we are on guard. And let me tell you, I had my "reactive" moments with sanitary stations and ninja warrior gear as I jumped out in my kids' defense.

The Bible passage that rings true in these moments of "reaction" instead of response is, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms." -- Ephesians 6:12. 

I know this scripture well, but I often think of it AFTER the fact. Did you ever see the meme on social media that says something like, "I want to live like Jesus, but I also want to slap people"? 

Yeah, that's me.

So why do those of us who lean on God still fail to grasp this Ephesians verse? 

First, let me give you a quick sociology/psychology lesson. I think it starts with temperament. We are born with temperament just as we are born with eye color, hair color, etc.  Some of us are very sanguine and love to be surrounded by people and could chat all day with the Fed Ex guy without even thinking about it. And some of us are just very introverted. We would rather hide in our house with a good book or movie, and wait until the Fed Ex guy is in the next zip code before we  open the front door to grab our package.

Some of us genuinely enjoy people, BUT we like them in small doses. (Me!)  I say hi to the Fed Ex guy, share a little humor, wave and in the door I go with my Amazon box. That's enough, bro.

We get overly stimulated by too much surrounding us. (Think swarm of gnats on a humid day when you are trying to work in the yard. That is how an overly stimulated person feels. Again, this is me.)

As if the overwhelming presence of people is not torture enough for some of us, add a spoonful of conflict.

Poof.

Chemical reaction.

What adds more fuel to fire? The past.

Another aspect is prior experiences. Trauma.

If you had some negative situations in your life, people who hurt you in any way, or even threatened you, conflict can be even more challenging.

So why did I give this little lesson/example? I have learned so much about temperament, stimulation, trauma and the home life experience in my work at the pregnancy center. I have since been a big proponent on perspective. When facing a situation with another individual that breeds negative emotions, I try very hard to remember perspective. Why does the other person feel the way he/she does? Why is this person so disagreeable, threatening or judgmental? 

Which brings me back to Ephesians. When we understand the perspective of the individual, it's a little easier to grasp that the real struggle is not the person. The real struggle is how the enemy -- Satan -- is using this person as a tool to break you. He studies you. And he is likely using YOU as a tool to break that person or persons as well. 

Back to my week....

This week I watched as one of my kids fought very hard to do her best and then got sideswiped. As I watched this scenario unfold, I got angry. I got angry at the other person(s) involved. My body language was clear. (It always is. Facial expressions, too. I am an epic failure is hiding how I feel). However,  I ultimately stepped back after a moment of huffing. 

Perspective. 

The enemy here was unseen. I knew exactly what was transcending as I realized my daughter had made the devil mad that very same day. She had prayed out loud for someone in her public school. She had boldly spoken hard truth to a friend. 

She cried to me, stating her feelings of anger and disappointment. Then I reminded her of this truth....she was indeed whom she was meant to be. God was using her. That is all that mattered.

It should not surprise us when the devil goes through his tool box to use someone so we can get angry at that person in return. 

All was well until I became the personal bullseye in the enemy's scope. I received an unexpected email that could have really rocked me. I scanned the text and paused. "Lord, help me here." 

I went back into it. It still felt like little specks of fire spitting at me. It wasn't horrible. It wasn't nasty. It was just hard.

Then the thoughts came. 

"You will never be good enough." 

I won't try to make this sound like I was super strong. I cried a little. And I let that thought fester a little, repeating itself.

Then I went for a walk.  I reminded myself I needed to take every thought captive. This was advice I had given to a different daughter the week prior based on 2 Corinthians 10:5. I told her to visualize that thought -- in this case mine was "you're not good enough," and watch it crumple up in a piece of paper. I told her to visualize herself tossing it. Right there, in my development, I mentally tossed that thought into the drain and continued my walk.

I later replied to the email with kindness. The sender is far from being my enemy. I know who IS my enemy.  Plus I was reminded by a great leader in my life that this person was likely very stressed before he/she hit send. Perspective. 

Had I reacted instead of responded in these two particular areas (there were more, but I do not want to belabor this), I would have become the next tool in the devil's toolbox. And then that person I hurt may  be used as a tool, too.

It stops here. People hurt us. People disappoint us. Sadly, some people  TRY to do these things out of spite, bitterness or even humor.  Still, the enemy remains the same.

As I parent or walk in other roles of this life, I will do my best to keep perspective, love with compassion. respond with prayer, and remember the true enemy.  This is not about people. (As annoying as they can be. Wink. Wink.)